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Text A Love Is a Fallacy（第1页）

TextALoveIsaFallacy

MaxShulman

[1]CoolwasIandlogi，g，perspicacious，adastute—Iwasallofthese。Mybrainowerfulasadynamo，preciseasachemist’sscales，aspeingasasd—thinkofit!—Ioeen。

[2]Itisonesoyounghassutiake，forexample，PeteyBellows，myroommateattheuy。Sameage，samebad，butdumbasanox。Anioughfellow，youuand，butnothingupstairs。Emotioable。Impressioofall，afaddist。Fads，Isubmit，aretheveryioobesweptupihatesalong，tosurreoidiocyjustbecauseeverybodyelseisdoingit—this，tome，istheai，however，toPetey。

[3]OernoonIfoueylyingohanexpressionofsuchdistressoIimmediatelydiagis。“Don’tmove，”Isaid，“Doive。I’llgetadoctor。”

[4]“Raumbledthickly。

[5]“Ra?”Isaid，pausinginmyflight。

[6]“Petey，why?Lookatitrationally。Racoatsareunsanitary。Theyshed。Theysmellbad。Theyweightoomuch。They’reunsightly。They—”

[7]“Youdoaerruptedimpatiently。“It’sthethingtodo。Don’tyouwaheswim?”

[8]“No，”Isaidtruthfully。

[9]“Well，Ido，”hedeclared。“I’dgiveanythingforaraything!”

[10]Mybrain，thatpreeohighgear。“Anything?”Iasked，lookingathimnarrowly。

[11]“Anything，”heaffirmedinringingtones。

[12]Istrokedmythoughtfully。ItsohappeIkmyhandsonarayfatherhadhadoneiedays;itlaynowinatruie。ItalsohappePeteyhadsomethingIwahaveitexactly，butatleasthehadfirstrightsoohisgirl，PollyEspy。

[13]IhadloedPollyEspy。Letmeemphasizethatmydesireforthisyoungwomanwasionalinnature。Shewas，tirlwhoexcitedtheemotions，butIwasmyheartrulemyhead。Iollyforashrewdlycalculated，entirelycerebralreason。

[14]IwasafreshmaninlawsafewyearsIwouldbeoutinpractice。Iareoftheimportakiheringalawyer’scareer。ThesuccessfullawyersIhadobservedwere，almostwithoutexarriedtobeautiful，gratelligehoneomission，Pollyfittedthesespesperfectly。

[15]Beautifulshewas。Shewasofpin-upproportions，butIfeltthattimewouldsupplythelack。Shealreadyhadthemakings。

[16]Graciousshewas。Bygraeanfullofgraces。Shehadanesse，anease，apoisethatdicatedthebest。Attablehermae。Ihadseeingasandwichthatedscrapsravy，uts，andadipperofsauerkraut—withouteveingherfi。

[17]Ishewasnot。Infact，sheveerediedire。ButIbelievedthatundermyguidanartenup。Atawasworthatry。Itis，afterall，easiertomakeabeautifuldumbgirlsmartthantomakeanuglysmartgirlbeautiful。

[18]“Look，”IsaidtoPeteywhenIgotba。Ithrewopedrevealedthehuge，hairy，gamyobjectthatmyfatherhadworninhisStutzBear1925。

[19]“HolyToledo!”saidPeteyreverently。Heplungedhishandsintotheradtheoledo!”herepeatedfifteeimes。

[20]“Wouldyoulikeit?”Iasked。

[21]“Ohyes!”hecried，gthegreasypelttohim。Thenaeintohiseyes。“Whatdoyouwantforit?”

[22]“Yirl。”Isaid，minowords。

[23]“Polly?”hesaidinahorrifiedwhisper。“Youolly?”

[24]“That’sright。”

[25]Heflufromhim。“outly。

[26]Ishrugged。“Okay。Ifyoudon’twaheswim，Iguessit’syourbusiness。”

[27]Isatdowninadpreteoreadabook，butoutoftheyeyeIkeptetey。Hewasatornman。Firsthelookedatthecoatwiththeexpressionofawaifatabakerywiurnedawayahisjawresolutely。Thethecoat，withevenmiheurnedaway，butwithnotsomuchresolutionthistime。Badforthhisheadswiveled，desirewaxiionwaning。Fiurnawayatall;hejuststoodahmadlustatthecoat。

[28]IhadmyfirstdatewithPollythefollowihiswasiureofasurvey;IwaofindoutjusthowmuchworkIhadtodotogetherminduptothestandardIrequired。

[29]Iwentbawithaheavyheartafterthedate。Ihadgravelyuedthesizeofmytask。Thisgirl’slaati。AtfirstIwaseveogiveherbacktoPetey。ButthenIgottothinkingaboutherabundantphysicaldaboutthewaysheenteredaroomandthewayshehandledaknifeandfork，aomakea。

[30]“Poll’，”IsaidtoherwhenIpickedherupoeaheKrystionightwearegoingtotalkaboutlogic。”

[31]“Oo，terrif，”shereplied。OhingIwillsayfirl:youwouldgofartofindanreeable。

[32]“Logic，”Isaid，gmythroat，“istheskihily，wemustfirstlearheonfallaciesoflogic。Thesetonight。”

[33]“!”shecried，gherhaedly。

[34]Iwiwentbravelyon。“FirstletusexamihefallacycalledDipliciter。”

[35]“Byallmeans，”sheurged，battingherlasheseagerly。