第18章我道歉
IApologize
佚名Anonymous
Tothewomahbehindus—Iapologizeformymother。
&awaresheisstaringatyou“watgyoueat。”Allsheisawareofistheactivityarouhemusicofvoicesraisediion。Allsheisdoingislookingarouhewonderofachildtryihing,butwithouttheabilityaoknowthatshemightoffend。Iwillhejoyshefindsingoingthallshewillrememberisthejoybutnotwhatcausedit。
Tothewomaninthegrocerystorerestroom—Iapologizeformymother。
Herbodyhasbetrayedher。Sheisn’tawareshehashada。Herdiaperhastobedshehasmetoodshewon’trememberyourentsabouttheodorortheat。Unfortunately,Iwill。
Tothemaline—Iapologizeformymother。
Sheislivinginaworldo。ShemeantendedaentwhenshecalledyouafinelookingNegro。Yourharshwordswillmakeoher。She’trememberthemandallshewillrememberishurtingbeeoher。
Tothekidsonthesidewalkbehindus—Iapologizeformymother。
Sheshufflesratherthanly,withhertrustinglyholdingmyhandasIdidherswhenIwasadtheseroleswerereversed。She’thurryup。Pushingherhermakeherwalkanyfaster。Herbodyandhermindarefragileherwillbegettier。Sowalkaroulyawillneverbeyouandyslowlytogetherontheside>
ToMom’sfriends—Iapologizeformymother。
&remembertheyouoftoday。Whensheseesyouwhe,youareastranger。Shewillgreetyouwiththeinbraessshehasalossessedbutshedoesn’tknowyou。Theyouofyesterday,however,isasourceofjoytoherasshetalksaboutthethingsyoudidtogether“justlastweek”。
Tothepolice—Iapologizeformymother。
&hatsomewhereihatsomethingiswroogohome。Homeis7oonafarminNorthawithhermotherahreesisters。Thankythetimetouandandbriomewhenshegforherhome。
Tomys—Iapologizeformymother。
Ashernieephewsshehasalwayslovedyoualldearly。Butshedoesn’tknowyounow。Mostofthetimeshedoesn’tknowthatIamherdaughter。Alittlemoreofherslipsawayeveryday。Butasshelooksatthefamilyphotoalbumstheloveshefeelsforyouhasnotdimmed。
Tomyhusband—Iapologizeformymother,
Shehasalwayslovedyouasasohepaigherfadefurtherandfurtherawayfromuseveryday。Ihavewatchedyoubuildaplaceforheriawordofthanksfromheroreveofyouraents。I’tdothiswithoutyou。Yoursupportahofuskeepsmegoing。
Iapologize…andIthankyouall。
吃饭时坐在我身后的那位女士——我替我母亲向您道歉。
她并不知道自己正目不转睛地“看您吃东西”。她只能感知她附近的动静,以及人们谈话声。她仅仅是在东张西望,像一个孩子般好奇地看着身边的事物,她再也无法意识到自己可能会打扰他人。我不会剥夺她来餐馆进餐的快活,尽管她只记得快活;至于快活的原因,恐怕她早已忘了。
那位在杂货店卫生间遇到的女士——我替我母亲向您道歉。
她没能控制住自己的身体。她不知道她遇到了麻烦。她不得不换尿布,她让我帮她。感谢上帝,她不会记得您对那气味或那意外所作的评论。可惜的是,我却记得。