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第19章 Running for Governor（第1页）

第19章Runningfovernor

MarkT>

&hsagoIwasnominatedfreatstateofainstMr。JohnT。SmithandMr。BlankJ。BlankoiehowfeltthatIhadoageehatwas-goodcharacter。Itwaseasytoseebytheifevertheyhadknoastoodimehadgolainthatieryearstheyhadbeiliarwithallmannerofshamefulcrimes。ButattheverymomentthatIwasexaltingmyadvantageandjoyingiherewasamuddyuofdisfort&qu"thedeepsofmyhappihatwas-thehavingtohearmynamebainfamiliarwiththoseofsuchpeople。Igrewmoreaurbed。FinallyIwrotemygrait。Heranswercamequidsharp。Shesaid:Youhaveneverdohinginallyourlifetobeashamedof-theneers-lookatthemasortofcharactersMessrs。SmithandBlahenseeifytoloweryourselftotheirlevelaerapublivasswiththem。

Itwasmyverythought!Ididnotsleepasinight。But，afterall，Iotrecede。

Iwasfullyitted，andmustgoo。

AsIwaslookinglistlesslyoverthepapersatbreakfastIcameacrossthisparagraph，andImaytrulysayIneverwassodedbefore。

PERJURY。-Perhaps，nowthatMr。MarkTwaihepeopleasadidatefovernor，hewilldtoexplaiobevictedofperjurybythirty-fourwitnessesinWakawak，1863，theiofwhichperjurybeingtorobapoornativewidowandherhelplessfamilyofameagerplantain-patch，theironlystayandsupportiaion。

Mr。Twaiohimself，aswellastothegreatpeoplewhesheasks，toclearthismatterup。Willhedoit?

IthoughtIshouldburstwithamazement!Suchacruel，heartlesseverhadseeneverhadheardofWakawak!Ididn'tknoatakangaroo!Ididnotknowwhattodo。Iwasdhelpless。Iletthedayslipawaywithoutdoinganythingatall。Themthesamepaperhadhis-nothingmore:

SIGNIFIT。-Mr。Twain，itwillbeobserved，issuggestivelysilentabouttheaperjury。

[Mem。-Durihethispaperomeihanas"theiwain"。

&heGazette，withthis:

&OKNOW-Willthenewdidatefoofhisfellow-swhoaresufferingtovoteforhim!thelittleceofhis-matesinMontanalosingsmallvaluablesfromtimetotime，untilatlast，thesethingshavingbeeninvariablyfoundonMr。Tersonorinhis"trunk"（neerherolledhistrapsipelledtogivehimafriendlyadmonitionforhisowngood，andsotarredaheredhim，androdehimonarail;andtheoleaveapermavatheplaceheusuallyothecamp。Willhedothis?

ythingbemoredeliberatelymalithat?ForIneverwasinMontanaihis，thisjournalarilyspokeofmeas，"Twaia;]

Igottopiguppapersapprehensively-muewouldliftadesiredblawhichhehadsomeideamighthavearattles。

&hismetmyeye:

THELIEheswornaffidavitsofMip;apos;FlaheFivePoints，andMr。SyandMr。CattyMulliga，itisestablishedthatMr。MarkTos;svilestatementthatthelamentedgrandfatherofourandard-bearer，BlankJ。Blank，washangedfhwayrobbery，isabrutalandgratuitousLIE，withoutashadowoffoundationinfact。Itisdishearteningtovirtuousmentoseesuchshamefulmeaoachievepoliticalsuccessastheattagofthedeadintheirgraves，aheirhohslahinkoftheanguishthismiserablefalsehoodmustcausetheiivesahedeceased，wearealmostdriventoiragedandinsultedpubliaryandunlawfulvehetraduo!letusleavehimtotheagonyofalaceratedce（thoughifpassionshouldgetthebetterofthepubliitsblindfurytheyshoulddothetraducerbodilyinjury，itisbuttooobviousthatnojuryvioishtheperpetratorsofthedeed）。

Theingeniousgseheeffeeoutofbedwithdespatight，andoutatthebackdooralso，whilethe&quedandinsultedpublic&quediway，breakingfurnitureandwindowsieousindignationastheydtakingoffsuchpropertyastheycouldtheyweIlaymyhandupontheBookandsaythatIneverslanderedMr。Blank'sgrandfather。More:Ihadneverevenheardofhimormentionedhimuptothatdayanddate。

[Iassing，thatthejouredfromalwaysreferredtomeafterwardas"Twain，theBody-S;]

&iclethatattractedmyattentionwasthefollowing:

&DIDATE。-Mr。MarkTastomakesuchablightihemass-meetingoftheInight，didn'te!Atelegramfromhisphysistatedthathehadbeenknobyarunawayteam，andhislegbrokenintwoplaces-suffererlyiagony，andsoforth，andsoforth，andalotmoreboshofthesamesort。AndtheIriedhardtosretchedsubterfuge，aheydidnotknoastherealreasonoftheabseheabaurewhomtheydeandard-bearer。AmaoreelintoMr。Tos;shotellastnightilyintoxi。ItistheimperativedutyoftheIoprovethatthisbesottedbrutewasnotMarkTwainhimself。Wehavethematlast!Thisisacasethatadmits。Thevoiceofthepeopledemandsio;WHOWASTHATMAN?"

Itwasielyincredible，foramoment，thatitwasreallymyledwiththisdisgracefulsuspi。Threelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsiastedale，beer，wineorliquororanykind。

[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingohatIsawmyself，tlydubbed"Mr。DeliriumTremensTwain"iissueofthatjournalang-notwithstandiwithmonotohepaperwouldgoongmesototheveryend。]

Bythistimeanoersweregettingtobeanimportantpartofmymailmatter。Thisformwason:

Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukikedofyourpremiseswhichwasbeging?

POL。PRY。

Andthis:

&hingswhichyouHavedonewhibekoanybodybutme。Youbettertrotoutafewdots，toyourstruly，oryou&aphthepapersfromHANDYANDY。

Thisisabouttheidea。Itihereaderwassurfeited，ifdesirable。

ShortlytheprincipalRepublial"vieofwholesalebribery，andtheleadiicpaper";anaggravatedailingtome。

[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditiowaihyist"and"TwaihsomeEmbracer"。]

Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan"aoallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmypartysaiditwouldbepolitiformetoremaiaomaketheirappealthemoreimperative，thefolloearedihepaperstheveryday:

&HEMAN!-Theididatestillmaintainssilence。Becausehedarenotspeak。Everyaagainsthimhasbeenamplyproved，andtheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowsilethisdayhestaed。Lookuponyourdidate，Is!LookupontheIheMoheBody-SemplateyourinateDeliriumTremens!YourFilthyist!YourLoathsazeuponhim-ponderhimwell-andthensayifyougiveyourhooacreaturewhohasearhisdismalarrayoftitlesbyhishideousddaresnotopenhismouthindenialofahem!

Thereossiblewayofgettingoutofit，andso，indeephumiliatiopreparingto"a;amassofbaselessdmeanandwickedfalsehoods。ButIneverfiask，fortheverymapapercameoutwithanewhnity，andseriedmewithburningalunaticasylumwithallitsiobstructedtheviewfrommyhouse。Thisthrewmeintoasortofpahechargeofpoisoningmyuhisproperty，erativedemandthatthegraveshouldbeopehisdrovemeteofdistratopofthisIwasaployingtoothlessaoldrelativestopreparethefoodforthefoundling'shospitalaswavering-wavering。Andatlast，asadueandfittingelesspersethatpartyranflie，oddling，ofallshadesreesedorushoformatapublig，andclaspmearoundthelegsandcallmePA!

Igaveitup。Ihauleddownmydsurrendered。IwasherequirementsofaGubernatorialieofNewYork，ainmywithdrawalfromthedidabitterness:

"Trulyyours，oman，butno。，M。T。，B。S。，D。T。，F。dL。E。"