第31章温暖成长的旅途(5)
Teaunieaielltheirstories,butRaycouldtellyouhowmuchhemissedplayinghisguitarwithoutspeakiimeshemovedhishandsacrosstheairasifhewereplayinghisfavoritebluesscale。Healwaysgavemeaslightnodwhenhesawmeeintotheeeting。Heluitarstories。AlthoughhehadbeenaGanderHillforoveradecade,healwayshadasonginhishead,inpartiethathesaidhehadbeenwritinginhismindsincehisarrival。Helookedforlayingagainthewayatsthedaysuion。
WhenmygroupformallyestablisheditselfatGahemenwereallowedanightofcelebrationtowhichtheyviteowofamilymembers。ThenightofthecelebrationwasjustlikeChristmasforthem。Theyhuddledwiththeirlovedoheyhadouseveralmer。SincehisfamilylivedinTexas,othecelebrationasRay'sguest,butheatientlyformetoarrive。Asherehearsedhissonginhishead,Iwalkedintotheprisonwithaguitar。
Raytuguitarasifhewereputtinghislifebaony。Ihaveneverheardaguitartubeforeorsineoverhisshoulderahank-yinghissoheguitar。IwatchedRay'sfingersdahestringsasiftheywerehimself,runningfree。Andforthosefewmoments,he>
到1993年春天,我已骗去过甘达尔山监狱好几次了。这个时候,我见到了雷。父亲带领一个小组在那里教授犯人们学习交流和说话的技巧。我是一名大四的学生,言语交际是我的主修课。后来,我在甘达尔山组织了自己的学生志愿小组。
教授怎样交际就得让他们讲述自己的故事,然而雷不用任何言语就能告诉你,他是多么想弹吉他。有时候,他的双手在空中飞舞着,就好像他在弹奏着他最钟爱的布鲁斯曲调。每次他看到我走进小礼拜堂组织集会的时候,都会冲着我轻轻地点点头。他很高兴能够有人分享他的吉他故事,尽管在甘达尔山监狱已骗住了十几年,可是他的头脑中骗常回**着乐曲,尤其是那首他说刚进来时就在他头脑中写好的歌。他盼望着能够再次弹奏吉他,仿佛孩子在一天天地数着,巴望着暑假快快到来一样。
当我的小组在甘达尔山正式建立时,这些犯人得到准许可以请一两个家人,和他们一起参加庆祝晚会。对他们而言,庆祝晚会仿佛就是圣诞节。他们和亲人们团聚在一起,他们有几个月,甚至更长的时间没有见面了。雷的家人住在得克萨斯州,他们没能来参加庆祝晚会,然而他耐心地等待我的到来。当他在脑海里排练着这首歌的时候,我走进了监狱,手里拿着一把吉他。
雷给吉他调准音,仿佛在把自己的生活调回到和谐有序的时刻。在此之前以及之后,我都未曾听到那样的调音。他回过身来看着我,点点头向我致谢,接着用吉他弹唱起他的歌。我看着雷的手指在琴弦上舞动,就像雷自己在自由奔跑。这一刻,雷完全是自由的。
友情无价
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Losingsomeonewhootbereplayoneelseisharderthanlosingmillionsofdollars。Ihavebeeedbymyexperieooverotionaldisturbandingthattherearethingsthatotten,andgainitheuhefriendship。Whefriehehadlungcer,mylifepletely。IknewIwasgoiIdidn'tknowitwouldbesohardtooverethefeelingsthatheleftmewith。
Wewerefriends,nularfriends,butwewerebestfriends,whiseverything。Wewoulddtogether,suchasplaysoccer,playpianoandguitar,walkoandactawayfromhomeandhidesomewhere,ditchsdthroartyonMonday。
&hebesttimetogether,butuookallthatfromme。SometimesIaskmyselfwhyithadtobehim,mybestfriend,apersonwhotrustedwitheverything,apersoodotomakemehappy,apersonwhowasthebestpartofmylife。Hewouldgiveeverythirengthenourfriendship。Hewasafriendaysbei。
ItwasthenightofApril14,1999。Iwillthatday。Heeshoweredintears。Helookedverysad。"What'sgoingon,whyareyousodepressed?"Iasked。
"I'm,I'mgoing,andI'mgoingto。。。"hesaidslowly。
&oppedtalking,Ididn'tknoasgoingoy,buthekhionthshewashavihing。Thatdidn'tbotherhimmutilthatmomeedadoctor。Ilookedathiseyes,andIsawhisbluecoloredeyesblurringintoshadowsofadream。Iuoodwhatwasgoingon,butIdidn'tcry,beewifdid,thatwouldreallyhurthisfeelings。Ilookedathimagainandsaid,&quwillbejustfine;youjusthavetotakepropercareofyourself。"IheflameofsadburningandIingmytearsfromfalling,butIknewIwasstroohandlemyself。
Thatmomentwasfollowedbyajoke,whi'treallyremember。Iomakehimlaughaionsgoaway,Ibegantellingsoodjokes。Hestartedtolaughveryhard,buthecoughedtoo。ThatwasthelasttimeIsawhimlaughingthathard,thathappy,thatsadatthesametime。
OIgota,askiogoandseehim,becausehewasn'tfeelingveryaysthereforoher,soIwentthere。Helookedallwhite,andhisblueeyesdidn'tseemtobeveryhappy。Iwastryingtofoolmyself,ainginmymihingwasgoingtht。Iakemyselftobelievethatitwasreallygoingtohappen。
Itwas2:30amwhenhefinallytoawoofusaloedtalking。"Iknowwhat'sgoingtohappeyoudon'tworry。。。I'llbeallright,becauseGodisgoingtotakee。Anddon'tbesad。It'snotlikeweoiheragain?"
Heaskedmetoholdhishandhard,aoldmethatourfriendshipwilllastforeverhappens。Hegavemealetterandsaid,"Wheneveryoufeelit'stimetoreadthis,justopenit。"Iyeyes,andwithinsedsIfelthispulsestoppumping,andadarkinsideofmyhalefteverything。HisblueeyeswerealreadydI'tdoaomakethemlookbackatme。