奇书网>我不爱这世界 > 第12章 暖暖的河流（第5页）
第12章 暖暖的河流（第5页）
"IfyouonlylovedmeasIloveyou，Richard，youhy。"
Herfirembledinmyhand。Iknewshelovedme。Therehadbeennodoubtinmymindfrrete。
"PerhapsIshouldnothavee，"Isaid。"Imadeamistake，Gret。Ishouldhavestayedaway。"
"Butyouwillbehereht，Richard。Yearlyinthem。Youaren'tsorrythatyoucame，forjustthisshorttime，areyou，Richard？"
"I'mnotsorrythatIamhere，Gret，butIshouldnothavee。Ididn'tknoasdoianyrighttoehere。Peoplewholoveeachotheraretheo;
"Butyoudolovemejustalittle，don'tyou，Richard？You'tpossiblylovemenearlysomuchasIloveyou，but'tyoutellmethatyoudolovemejustalittle？I'llfeelmuchhappierafteryouhavegone，Richard。"
"Idon'tknow。"Isaid，trembling。
"Richard，please—"
Withherhandsinmiightly。Suddehinge，athingthatstabbedmybodywithitsquiess。Itwasasifthewordsherfatherhadutteredwerebeiome。Ihadnotrealizedbeforethattherewassuchaloveashehadspokenof。Ihadbelievedthatmenneverlovedwomeniawomanlovedaman，buthereodifference。
&silently，holdiher'shandsftime。Itastmidhelightsinthevalleybeltur；buttimedidnotmatter。
&gsoftlytome，lookingupintomyfadlayinghercheekagainstmyshoulder。Shewasasmueasawstoaman，butIkIeverforcemyselftotakeadvantageofherlove，andtogoawayknowingthatIhadnotlovedherasshelovedme。Ihadnotbelievedanysugwheraveledallthatdistaoholdherinmyarmsforafewhours，aether，perhapsforever。
&wastimefointothehouse，IgotupandputmyarmsarourembledwhenItouchedher，butsheeastightlyasIheldher，andthehammeridroveirokeafterstroke，likeanexpahespearsofherbreasts。
"Richard，kissmebefo，"shesaid。
&heditopenforme。Shepickedupthelampfromthetableandthestairstothefloorabove。
AtmydoorshewaiteduntilIcouldlightherlamp，andthenshehandedmemine。
"Good。"Isaid。
"Goodnight，Richard。"
Iturhewiptokeepitfromsmoking，andtheacrossthehalltowardherroom。
"I'llcallyouinthemintimeforyoutocatchyourtrain，Richard。"
&quret'tletmeoversleep，becauseitleavesthestatioy。"
"I'llwakeyouiime，Richard。"shesaid。
Thedoorwasclosedafterher，andIturomyroom。IshutthedoorandslowlybegaerIhadblownoutthelampandhadgotienselyawakeIknewIevergotosleep，andIsatupinbedateaftercigarette，blowihroughthesofthewindow。Thehousewasquiet。Oally，IthoughtIheardthesoundsofmuffledmovemeacrossthehall，butIwasain。
IinehowlongatimeIhadsatthereohebed，stiffahinkisuddenlyIfoundmyselfjumpingtomyfeet。Iopehedoorandranacrossthehall。Gret'sdoorwasclosed，butIkwouldnotbelodIturheknobnoiselessly。AsleoflightbrhtheopeningIhadmade。Itwasoopenthedoorwider，becauseIsawGretlyafewstepsaway，almostwithinarm'sreae。Iyeyeslightlyforamoment，thinkingofherasIhadallduringtheday'srideupfromthecoast。
&otheardmeopenthedoor，aknowIwasthere。Herlampwasburningbrightlyoable。
Ihadofindherawake，andIhadthoughtsurelyshewouldbeibesideherbed，herheadbowedoverherarmsandherbodyshakenwithsobs。
&'shairwaslyingoverhershoulders，tiedoverthetopofherheadaleblueribbohitesilk，hemmedwithadelicateladarouhecollaroflacewasthrownopen。
IkifulsheherthehoughIhadalwaysthoughtherlovely。IhadneverseenagirlsobeautifulasGret。
&heardmeatherdoor，ailldidnotknowIwasthere。Shekbesideherbed，herhandschedbef。
WhenIhadfirstopehedoor，Ididnotknoasabouttodo，butnowthatIhadseenherinherroom，kneelinginprayerbesideherbed，uIwaslookinguponherandhearingherwordsandsobs，IwasthatIevercareforanyoneelseasIdidforher。IhadnotknownuiionofafewseewthatIdidloveher。
Iclosedthedoorsoftlyaomyroom。ThereIfoundadplaceditbesidetheaitfortheingofday。AtthewindowIsatandlookeddowomofthevalleywherethewarmriverlay。AsmyeyesgrewmoreaedtothedarkasifIwereingdclosertoit，soclosethatImighthavereachedoutaheithmyhands。
&hesuopofthemountain，Igotupaer，IheardGretleaveherroomandgodownstairs。IknewshewashurryingtopreparebreakfastformebeforeIlefttogetorain。Iwaitedawhile，aerofanhourIheardheringbackupthestairs。Sheklymyimes。
Ijerkedopenthedoorandfacedher。Sherisedatseeihere，whenshehadexpeestillasleep，thatsheotsayanythingforamoment。
"Gret，"Isaid，graspingherhands，"don&#etmeoff—I'mnotgoingbackthism—Idon'tknoasthematterwithmelastnight—IknownowthatIloveyou—"
"But，Richard—lastnightyousaid—"
"IdidsaylastnightthatIwasgoihismret，butIdidn'tknoastalkingabout。I'mnotgoingbatilyougowithme。I'lltellyouwhatImeanassooisover。ButfirstofallImehowtogetdowntotheriver。Ihavegottogodhtawayaerwithmyhands。"
