"IfyouonlylovedmeasIloveyou,Richard,youhy。"
Herfirembledinmyhand。Iknewshelovedme。Therehadbeennodoubtinmymindfrrete。
"PerhapsIshouldnothavee,"Isaid。"Imadeamistake,Gret。Ishouldhavestayedaway。"
"Butyouwillbehereht,Richard。Yearlyinthem。Youaren'tsorrythatyoucame,forjustthisshorttime,areyou,Richard?"
"I'mnotsorrythatIamhere,Gret,butIshouldnothavee。Ididn'tknoasdoianyrighttoehere。Peoplewholoveeachotheraretheo;
"Butyoudolovemejustalittle,don'tyou,Richard?You'tpossiblylovemenearlysomuchasIloveyou,but'tyoutellmethatyoudolovemejustalittle?I'llfeelmuchhappierafteryouhavegone,Richard。"
"Idon'tknow。"Isaid,trembling。
"Richard,please—"
Withherhandsinmiightly。Suddehinge,athingthatstabbedmybodywithitsquiess。Itwasasifthewordsherfatherhadutteredwerebeiome。Ihadnotrealizedbeforethattherewassuchaloveashehadspokenof。Ihadbelievedthatmenneverlovedwomeniawomanlovedaman,buthereodifference。
&silently,holdiher'shandsftime。Itastmidhelightsinthevalleybeltur;buttimedidnotmatter。
&gsoftlytome,lookingupintomyfadlayinghercheekagainstmyshoulder。Shewasasmueasawstoaman,butIkIeverforcemyselftotakeadvantageofherlove,andtogoawayknowingthatIhadnotlovedherasshelovedme。Ihadnotbelievedanysugwheraveledallthatdistaoholdherinmyarmsforafewhours,aether,perhapsforever。
&wastimefointothehouse,IgotupandputmyarmsarourembledwhenItouchedher,butsheeastightlyasIheldher,andthehammeridroveirokeafterstroke,likeanexpahespearsofherbreasts。
"Richard,kissmebefo,"shesaid。
&heditopenforme。Shepickedupthelampfromthetableandthestairstothefloorabove。
AtmydoorshewaiteduntilIcouldlightherlamp,andthenshehandedmemine。
"Good。"Isaid。
"Goodnight,Richard。"
Iturhewiptokeepitfromsmoking,andtheacrossthehalltowardherroom。
"I'llcallyouinthemintimeforyoutocatchyourtrain,Richard。"
&quret'tletmeoversleep,becauseitleavesthestatioy。"
"I'llwakeyouiime,Richard。"shesaid。
Thedoorwasclosedafterher,andIturomyroom。IshutthedoorandslowlybegaerIhadblownoutthelampandhadgotienselyawakeIknewIevergotosleep,andIsatupinbedateaftercigarette,blowihroughthesofthewindow。Thehousewasquiet。Oally,IthoughtIheardthesoundsofmuffledmovemeacrossthehall,butIwasain。
IinehowlongatimeIhadsatthereohebed,stiffahinkisuddenlyIfoundmyselfjumpingtomyfeet。Iopehedoorandranacrossthehall。Gret'sdoorwasclosed,butIkwouldnotbelodIturheknobnoiselessly。AsleoflightbrhtheopeningIhadmade。Itwasoopenthedoorwider,becauseIsawGretlyafewstepsaway,almostwithinarm'sreae。Iyeyeslightlyforamoment,thinkingofherasIhadallduringtheday'srideupfromthecoast。
&otheardmeopenthedoor,aknowIwasthere。Herlampwasburningbrightlyoable。
Ihadofindherawake,andIhadthoughtsurelyshewouldbeibesideherbed,herheadbowedoverherarmsandherbodyshakenwithsobs。
&'shairwaslyingoverhershoulders,tiedoverthetopofherheadaleblueribbohitesilk,hemmedwithadelicateladarouhecollaroflacewasthrownopen。
IkifulsheherthehoughIhadalwaysthoughtherlovely。IhadneverseenagirlsobeautifulasGret。
&heardmeatherdoor,ailldidnotknowIwasthere。Shekbesideherbed,herhandschedbef。
WhenIhadfirstopehedoor,Ididnotknoasabouttodo,butnowthatIhadseenherinherroom,kneelinginprayerbesideherbed,uIwaslookinguponherandhearingherwordsandsobs,IwasthatIevercareforanyoneelseasIdidforher。IhadnotknownuiionofafewseewthatIdidloveher。
Iclosedthedoorsoftlyaomyroom。ThereIfoundadplaceditbesidetheaitfortheingofday。AtthewindowIsatandlookeddowomofthevalleywherethewarmriverlay。AsmyeyesgrewmoreaedtothedarkasifIwereingdclosertoit,soclosethatImighthavereachedoutaheithmyhands。
&hesuopofthemountain,Igotupaer,IheardGretleaveherroomandgodownstairs。IknewshewashurryingtopreparebreakfastformebeforeIlefttogetorain。Iwaitedawhile,aerofanhourIheardheringbackupthestairs。Sheklymyimes。
Ijerkedopenthedoorandfacedher。Sherisedatseeihere,whenshehadexpeestillasleep,thatsheotsayanythingforamoment。
"Gret,"Isaid,graspingherhands,"donetmeoff—I'mnotgoingbackthism—Idon'tknoasthematterwithmelastnight—IknownowthatIloveyou—"
"But,Richard—lastnightyousaid—"
"IdidsaylastnightthatIwasgoihismret,butIdidn'tknoastalkingabout。I'mnotgoingbatilyougowithme。I'lltellyouwhatImeanassooisover。ButfirstofallImehowtogetdowntotheriver。Ihavegottogodhtawayaerwithmyhands。"